What Happens When You Find The One But The Circumstances Aren’t Ideal

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When you think of “the one” you picture the perfect person for you. Someone who ticks all the boxes, someone who completes you. What you don’t think about and what I never thought about (only in hindsight do you realise these things, you see) are the circumstances in which you meet Mr. Right. Why do we never picture the circumstances? What if when you finally meet, and they’re everything you’ve ever wanted and more, the circumstances aren’t ideal? It could be anything, a disapproving family member (on either side), a jealous ex, being at different stages in your lives, a child or two, or living in different continents, all as examples. What happens then?

Well, to be frank, at first it down right sucks. “A bunch of fucking bullshit”, in other words. But then you adapt. For adapting is what you and I were born to do. You fake a smile and pretend it’s all okay, I mean, you have each other right? Isn’t that all that matters? Unfortunately, no. Because when the circumstances aren’t right, let alone ideal, things get difficult. Fast. Oftentimes a huge strain is put on your relationship and you find yourself wondering if all the bs is even worth it at all.

This is when you choose to push through. This is when you keep your faith and hope. For what the fairytales and the “happily ever after”’s don’t tell you, is that happy relationships are difficult. As President Roosevelt once said, “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well”.

Perhaps it is the tests and difficulties we encounter which give our relationships their true value. For the more bs we pass through, the more I find myself rooting for us to be successful. What I’ve learnt since finding my person, is that as much as I fret and burn, some of our circumstances I’ll never be able to control. But what I can control, I will attempt to.

In the words of the Persian mystic Rumi, “Gamble everything for love, if you are a true human being, If not, leave this gathering. Half-heartedness doesn’t reach into majesty.”

10 comments

  1. I understand your pain very well. I have been through this many times in my life. You are a very lovely lady, and, hopefully one day, a great man will see you for who YOU are and see your outer and inner beauty, and he will be one very fortunate man for having a lovely lady like YOU!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have found two women who really resonated with me: My wife of 29 years, with whom I walked the path of difficulty, lovingly and with a goodly amount of joy and strength, until she passed on, 7 years ago; my best friend at present, with whom I am just glad to spend time and be someone with whom she can decompress from three previous horror shows. I am here for her, as long as she needs.

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  3. Hi! Happy New Year to you and your family! I wanted to let you know that I have changed my website and I am no longer on wordpress.com. I tried to reach you via your email address but I don’t think my message went through (apologies for reaching out like this through a comment!). My new site is http://www.lidijaskitchen.com. I will still keep my reader on wordpress, so I will be able to read your posts. Please have a look at my new site! I will continue to share my recipes, as well as my restaurant spotlights. If you sign up, I am starting to release “secret” chef recipes from amazing chefs I have worked with during my culinary journeys. The transition to my new site has been an exciting one, I hope you enjoy it! Take care and all the best, Lidija

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